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I is for insulation - of the personal sort. As in, ‘Hey Siri, turn on the bloody torch.’ H is for ‘Hey Siri’, the first words you now utter into your smartphone whenever you stumble out of your front door after about 6pm. But let your guard down at any moment and your house will instantly be infested with furry critters (see R is for Rodents). I don’t know who was more shocked, the squirrel or my wife, who was taking a relaxing bath at the time and has never forgiven me for the near-heart attack it gave her. I once fired a warning shot from my bedroom window at a squirrel, wearing only underpants (me, not the squirrel). Great fun in July, less so with the arrival of the autumn rains Now you find yourselves staring through condensation-streaked windows, mumbling ‘It’s like the Somme out there’ and eventually drawing lots to decide who takes the now obese dog for a walk in ankle-deep mud.į is for Fudge, the chocolate labrador puppy you bought the minute you moved in. Great fun in July, less so with the arrival of the autumn rains. Sit down for half an hour to enjoy the summer flowers and by the autumn you won’t be able to find your front door in all the greenery.į is for Fudge, the chocolate labrador puppy you bought the minute you moved in. A recently moved friend and his family recall walking carefully through a field of cows, only to be accosted by a furious red-faced farmer shouting: ‘Look at you wandering about in your fancy London wellies.’Į is for Edward Scissorhands, the nickname my wife gave me after our first year in the country, on account of the fact that I seemed to spend every waking hour cutting back overgrown trees, hedges, shrubs or grass. Nothing ruins a good bracing walk like spotting an orange planning notice pinned to a fence-post half a mile from your house, announcing a new 300-home development by Bovis Homes.ĭ is for DFL, or Down From London, a derogatory term used by locals everywhere to deride incomers and the city ways they bring to their new home. Sought-after rural locations in Britain are being targeted by Boris Johnson and his loony sidekick, who have launched an ‘algorithm’ to encourage a splurge of housebuilding. You moved out of the city to get more space. Your attempts to amuse them by making conker animals end with them watching Netflix while you stab yourself in the hand with a skewer.Ĭ is for Cummings. After a Swallows-and-Amazons summer, the children now refuse to venture outdoors, complaining that it’s too cold and wet and ‘there’s nothing to do in the country’. Oh, and it makes good toast.ī is for ‘I’m bored’.
![escape to the country escape to the country](https://www.sadecor.co.za/wp-content/uploads/wordpress/2016/12/Escape-to-the-Country.jpg)
From here on in, you will try to convince yourself that your range does lots of exciting things a normal cooker can’t - for example, you can dry your pants on top of it. The latter is how rich you have to be to own one - something that will have dawned on you the moment you opened your first gas bill. The former is the reason you fell in love with the kitchen in your new house. Here, Tom Rawstorne, who 15 years ago swapped a London terrace for a rambling period property in the Kent countrysideĪ is for Aga.
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